summer!

Hello everyone!!

I’m sorry it has been such a long time since I last wrote. I did get a wonderful visit from my dear friend Stephen, and he spent 5 days here sweating profusely and experiencing the Peace Corps lifestyle. He was actually just nominated for the Peace Corps so I'm very excited for him. :)
After I returned from New York, things were pretty slow and uneventful. School was ending and to my naivety, nothing goes on during the last three weeks of school. And by nothing, I mean a majority of the students don’t even show up. This proved to be a problem since I had planned to take each grade from the after school program on a field trip, yet I couldn’t plan anything because they weren’t even at school. My intrinsic Selman response was “Well if they don’t show up to school, they don’t deserve a field trip”, but really it’s just the custom here. After their test of standards there is no point in teaching anything new, and it was my fault that I was unaware of this custom. I tried to gather as many students as possible, but fourth grade ended up not getting a field trip because I couldn’t secure free transportation.
It’s really difficult to reward these kids when my salary is so low. I know that I have other sources for money and if I really wanted to give them something special my parents would fund it, however that goes against what Peace Corps really stands for. We are not here to do Oprah style acts of kindness and just hand out Dora the Explorer toys like we’re Santa Claus. We live on the local standard so that we can be one with our community and not set ourselves at a higher economic or social platform. We already have to deal with the rampant misinterpretation that all “white” (yes, I am considered white) people are rich, because all these kids see are skewed images of Americans on television shows and tourists on vacation who pay heightened prices for everything. I spend so much time explaining that no, I am not automatically rich because I am an American, when I’m walking through town and people, even school children, come up and ask me for a dollar. I don’t want to completely contradict myself by throwing down a couple hundred dollars to take these kids somewhere special. I think I’ll wait until my very last month of my service and then just spoil them like I’ve wanted to this whole time.
So the point of this long preface is that I had to find a place that wouldn’t cost money and to where we could find transportation. Luckily, at least one child from each grade had a father with a bus or taxi. I begged and reminded and nagged and repeated for them to ask their father for about two weeks, and they kept telling me that their fathers could do it. I knew that I would have to call their father to verify, and after that, let’s just say two of them fell through when they found out that the white teacher would not be paying for this. It actually is a lot to ask these working fathers to take time out of their work day and use their gas money to take us out to the beach. One girl’s father from sixth grade agreed to take us and which I was incredibly thankful for, so we went to the beach. I had the students bring a lunch and a drink, and then I baked them brownies. It was an amazing day and her father was so incredibly kind; he drove us all the way to the Southern Peninsula where the really beautiful beaches are and drove all the way back at the end of the day to take us home.
For fifth grade, we finally got a student whose father drives a bus to take us to the movies, and I brought them a huge bag of candy that we surreptitiously distributed during the movie. Unfortunately a beach trip wasn’t in the cards because a lot of parents didn’t trust me as being the only adult with kids who can’t swim (rightfully so, because I usually turn into a kid when I’m with them and forget to supervise), so the kids then begged me to take them to the movies. This posed a problem because it’s a pretty expensive outing, so I ended up having to pay for three of their movie tickets because their mothers couldn’t afford it, but I told them to promise not to tell any of the other kids. I spent a majority of the time shushing the kids because apparently they don’t go to the movies to watch the movie, but rather to squirm and throw popcorn at each other. I hate nagging, but I also hate the idea that I’m with those kids that I usually want to shake when I’m at a movie with my friends. If the other movie goers can at least hear that I am trying to quiet them then I thought they would be a little bit more forgiving. Even though they didn’t pay attention to the movie, the point of the trip was to reward them and allow themselves to enjoy their time together, and I think it was successful in that realm.
Fourth grade didn’t get to go on a trip, mostly because the kid that told me her uncle could take us never responded to my phone calls and school had already ended. I want to use this to teach them a lesson on planning and responsibility (Selman technique #37).
Another big event for me was graduation, which gave me a glimpse of the emotional wreck I am going to be when my fifth graders graduate sixth grade. None of the parents got emotional, so I felt like such a sentimental American when I started tearing up. Local people don’t really show such vulnerability, so it’s usually quite embarrassing if they see me cry. I recently saw a ridiculously sappy movie called “My Sister’s Keeper” and my fellow volunteers and I were BAWLING. Walking out of the movie theater looking like we had hives on our faces was awkward at best. We rushed to the bus hiding our faces like we were celebrities dodging the paparazzi. I also made the enormous mistake of breaking down and crying one day when my sixth graders were driving me insane, and they responded with extreme discomfort and unease. They awkwardly patted my shoulder and just stared with wide eyes. The following week I got rushed by the younger kids who were asking why I cried, and why does my face turn red and blotchy when I cry? Apparently light skinned people are not very covert or attractive when we cry.
I had to be an impromptu chairperson for graduation because our assigned chairperson was an hour and a half late on top of the already West Indian style late start. I didn’t realize that being a chairperson entails a lot more than just introducing each event, but they told me I did an okay job. The graduation ceremony lasted for………wait for it……….four hours. And the power went out so the last hour was in the dark, with no fans, and about 100 people crammed into a tiny church. Of course the Kittitians didn’t break a sweat, but I looked like I was melting.
The most emotional part for me was at the beginning, when each student entered the building to pomp and circumstance. They were supposed to be escorted by their parents, but of course, only two of the 18 kids had fathers present, and the rest walked with their mother, grandmother, or auntie. What unleashed the tears for me was that four of my most troubled and misbehaved students had nobody walking with them. There was a photographer waiting at the end of their walk to take a picture of them, and they looked so upset that they were walking alone. How can they not find one family member to come to their graduation? This event is such a big deal for the community and people treat it like it’s a wedding. It’s no wonder that those are the students that I and other teachers have had to spend so much time and effort working with. People and politicians talk about all of the social ills here and how we have to look out for our children and make sure they go to Sunday school, and it is probably those exact people that aren’t there for their children. That is why I have my issues with organized religion and institutionalized politics, because those are the people that issue so many idealistic promises and leave people dependent on this imaginary reassurance that they will be divinely rewarded if they just attend church or submit their vote. There is no agency or self-motivation because so many people are so hypnotized by a figurative master that is always proved right because of intricate self-fulfilling prophecies and selective perceptions. A lot of my embitterment has accumulated from election time and listening to vehement religious arguments between divisive denominations like Seventh Day Adventist, Reformed Baptist, Jehovah Witnesses, etc. almost every single day. I am not trying to paint a negative image of St. Kitts or the West Indies, just offering some all-encompassing social commentary.
As for my summer plans I am tutoring a few students during the week and working hard to get this summer camp started for STYLE. There are a lot of obstacles in our way and a lot of people that don’t want it to happen, but we remain committed. I am also recreationally experiencing St. Kitts, with music festivals, Culturama in Nevis (which is the Carnival equivalent for our sister island), celebrating summer birthdays, and trying to enjoy my last month with EC 77, the group of volunteers that are about to leave the island. I am also in disbelief that I have been here for roughly a year now, and that I am about to turn 23. I’m trying not to let life pass me by, but I can’t help but loosen up a little and just let it flow. This place is absolutely home for me now, and these kids are my life support here. Whenever I am surrounded by 10-15 smiling, jovial, effervescent children I always have to take a couple of moments to soak up the goodness and internalize the moment, because after I leave here, it will never happen again. Sure, I can come back and visit, but I have developed a particular bond with these kids over the past 12 months that will certainly be severed when I leave. For that reason, I am trying to live in the present and cherish every second.

Let me also say, that I honestly could not think it could get as hot as it is now. I move around the house carrying my fan like it's my IV stand. I dread leaving the house, or even worse, going to town where the concrete and unshaded trees feel like someone's holding a magnifying glass in front of the sun. I am actually incredibly relieved that it is hurricane season because we will start getting some rain which may extinguish some of the heat. Luckily this is a great excuse to hit the beach!


Hope everyone is happy and healthy! I miss y’aaaall!